Being a French-Canadian, Hockey was all over the house when I was growing up. My big brother was and still is, a huge Montreal Canadians fan, and for the rest of us, we had our beloved Ottawa Senators. Hockey is a sport that brings excitement, intensity, and a whole lot of laughter and hockey jokes too.
Whether you’re a die-hard fan or just someone looking for a good laugh, we’ve got you covered. Get ready to score some big laughs with our collection of hilarious hockey jokes and puns. From slapstick one-liners to clever wordplay, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone and leave you in stitches.
So grab your ice skates, special drink and put on your best game face, and get ready for some puck-tastic humor!
Funny Hockey Jokes
Why did the hockey player bring string to the game?
In case he needed to tie the score!
What do you call a snowman playing hockey?
Slapshot Frosty!
Where does a hockey player get all his money?
From the tooth fairy!
Why don’t hockey players like to play hide and seek?
Because good defense is hard to find!
What do you get when you cross a hockey player and a vampire?
A cross-check!
Why did the hockey player go to jail?
Because he was caught icing the puck!
How do hockey players stay cool during a game?
They sit next to the fans!
Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game?
Because he wanted to reach the high stick!
What do you call a hockey player with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Why did the hockey player bring a pencil to the game?
To draw the line!
What do you call a bear that plays hockey?
A slapshot bruin!
Hilarious Hockey Puns
Why do hockey players make good comedians?
They always deliver great punchlines!
What did the hockey puck say to the goalie?
“I’m rubber, you’re glue, everything you save bounces off me and sticks to you!”
Why did the hockey player bring a broom to the game?
To sweep the competition!
Why did the hockey player bring an umbrella to the game?
In case of a high-sticking rain!
What do you call a hockey player who can juggle?
A stick handler!
Why did the hockey player become a musician?
He wanted to play in a band on ice!
What do you call a hockey player with a broken leg?
A hobble-er!
Why did the hockey player bring a deck of cards to the game?
In case he needed to shuffle the lines!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t score?
A net-misser!
Why do hockey players always carry a map?
In case they get caught in the neutral zone!
Good Jokes About Hockey
Why did the hockey player go to the bakery?
He wanted to score some turnovers!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t swim?
A sinker!
Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game?
He wanted to climb the standings!
What do you call a hockey player who can do magic tricks?
A stick wizard!
Why did the hockey player bring a dictionary to the game?
In case he needed to check the definitions of “icing” and “offside”!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t stop sneezing?
A puck-a-choo!
Why did the hockey player bring a toolbox to the game?
In case he needed to fix a broken stick!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t find his equipment?
Lost in the neutral zone!
Why did the hockey player bring a stopwatch to the game?
To keep track of his ice time!
What do you call a hockey player who loves to eat?
A snacker!
Witty Puns About Hockey
What do you call a hockey player who can’t make up his mind?
A puck-ston!
Why did the hockey player bring a pillow to the game?
In case he needed to take a power nap!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t take a joke?
A stick in the mud!
Why did the hockey player bring a camera to the game?
To capture all the shots on goal!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t find his way?
Lost in the offensive zone!
Why did the hockey player bring a calculator to the game?
To keep track of his plus-minus rating!
What do you call a hockey player who loves to dance?
A toe drag queen!
Why did the hockey player bring a torch to the game?
To light the lamp!
Additional Jokes
Why did the hockey puck go to the party?
Because it wanted to have a good time!
Why did Wayne Gretzky never play hide and seek?
Because no one could ever find where he “Wayne”t!
What did the hockey player say when he scored a hat trick?
“I’m on a roll!”
What do you call a goalie with no legs?
Unbeatable!
Why did the skeleton drive to the hockey game?
Because it wanted to ride in the zam-bony!
Why did the hockey player bring his wallet to the game?
Because he wanted to check!
What do angry hockey players say after getting tripped?
“That’s it. No more Mr. Ice Guy!”
How do hockey players like to be paid?
With a check!
You’re On Thin Ice!!
Why is the hockey rink hot after the game?
Because all the fans have left!
What happened when the ice hockey referee made a wrong decision?
The team wanted just-ice!
Why are hockey players good at making friends?
They’re quick at breaking the ice!
Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
Because they hog the puck!
Got Cold Feet?
Why are hockey rinks always rounded?
Because if they were 90 degrees, then the ice would melt!
Why do NHL players never sweat?
They have too many fans!
What did the cowboy ride to the hockey game?
A zam-pony!
What happened to the Zamboni driver?
The local hockey rink reported he went missing; they hope he resurfaces soon.
Heard about the NHLer who switched his profession to become an accountant?
He got an off-ice job.
Why do they say that Canadians are better than Germans at the game of hockey?
Canadian people have their “eh” game while Germans bring their wurst.
Have you heard what they say about hockey players?
They say…
Best Hockey Puns
Why did the hockey player bring a shovel to the game?
In case he needed to dig himself out of a tough situation!
What do you call a hockey player with excellent manners?
A polite-checker!
Why did the hockey puck go to therapy?
It had too many issues with being slapped around.
What do you get when you cross a hockey player with a musician?
A slapstick drummer!
Why did the hockey coach become a gardener?
He wanted to work on his team’s “root” skills.
How do hockey players stay warm in the winter?
They gather around the penalty box; it’s always heated!
What do you call a hockey player who loves to tell stories?
A puck-teller!
More Ice Hockey Puns
Why did the goalie start a band?
Because he had a great glove for rhythm!
What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of coffee?
Slapshot Espresso!
Why do hockey players make terrible detectives?
Because they always get caught in the “penalty box.”
What did the hockey puck say to the net?
“You make me feel so goal-dedicated!”
What kind of tea do hockey players enjoy?
Penal-Tea!
No Sense of Humor?
Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the grocery store?
Because he heard they had high-sticking prices!
What do you call a hockey player who’s also a math genius?
A geometric slapshot artist!
Why did the hockey team start a gardening club?
They wanted to grow some ice-berg lettuce!
What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of pet?
A penalty fox!
Penalty Shot!
Why did the hockey player bring a dictionary to the team meeting?
To understand the coach’s “slang-uary.”
What’s a hockey player’s favorite dessert?
Hat-trick-or-treat ice cream!
Why did the Zamboni apply for a job in the music industry?
It wanted to be a smooth operator!
Why did the hockey player bring a map to practice?
To avoid getting lost in the face-off circle!
What do hockey players use to fix their cars?
Stick shifts!
Why did the hockey player become a magician?
He wanted to make the competition disappear!
What’s a hockey player’s favorite board game?
Checkers!
Some cool insights about the hockey world
poor performances
These were the bad hockey teams during that particular season
- 1974-75 Washington Capitals:
- Record: 8 wins, 67 losses, 5 ties
- Expansion team struggles, had a tough inaugural season.
- 1992-93 Ottawa Senators:
- Record: 10 wins, 70 losses
- Another expansion team, faced difficulties in their early years.
- 1972-73 New York Islanders:
- Record: 12 wins, 60 losses, 6 ties
- Inaugural season challenges for this expansion team.
- 1980-81 Winnipeg Jets:
- Record: 9 wins, 57 losses, 14 ties
- Struggled in their second season after joining the NHL from the WHA.
- 1992-93 San Jose Sharks:
- Record: 11 wins, 71 losses, 2 ties
- Tough expansion year for the Sharks.
Most dominant NHL teams in history.
- 1976-77 Montreal Canadiens:
- Record: 60 wins, 8 losses, 12 ties
- This team holds the record for the most wins in a single NHL season and went on to win the Stanley Cup.
- 1983-84 Edmonton Oilers:
- Record: 57 wins, 18 losses, 5 ties
- Led by Wayne Gretzky, the Oilers dominated the league and won the Stanley Cup.
- 1971-72 Boston Bruins:
- Record: 54 wins, 13 losses, 11 ties
- A powerhouse team that clinched the Stanley Cup.
- 1995-96 Detroit Red Wings:
- Record: 62 wins, 13 losses, 7 ties
- Set an NHL record for most regular-season wins and went on to win the Stanley Cup.
- 1977-78 Montreal Canadiens:
- Record: 59 wins, 10 losses, 11 ties
- Another dominant season for the Canadiens, securing the Stanley Cup.
Most attended NHL Hockey Arena
- Madison Square Garden (New York Rangers):
- Seating Capacity: Around 18,600
- Average Attendance: Varies, but often near or at capacity.
- Bell Centre (Montreal Canadiens):
- Seating Capacity: Approximately 21,300
- Average Attendance: Usually close to full capacity.
- United Center (Chicago Blackhawks):
- Seating Capacity: Around 19,700 (hockey configuration)
- Average Attendance: Typically close to capacity.
- Rogers Place (Edmonton Oilers):
- Seating Capacity: Approximately 18,500
- Average Attendance: Near or at capacity for most games.
- Scotiabank Arena (Toronto Maple Leafs):
- Seating Capacity: Around 18,900
- Average Attendance: Usually close to or at capacity.
The Winningest NHL Hockey Coaches
- Scotty Bowman:
- Wins: 1,244
- Losses: 573
- Joel Quenneville:
- Wins: 965 (NHL)
- Losses: 648
- Barry Trotz:
- Wins: 875 (NHL)
- Losses: 696
- Ken Hitchcock:
- Wins: 849
- Losses: 537
- Alain Vigneault:
- Wins: 746 (NHL)
- Losses: 537
Five classic hockey movies
- Miracle (2004):
- The inspiring story of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team coached by Herb Brooks, who led them to victory against all odds.
- Slap Shot (1977):
- A classic comedy starring Paul Newman as the player-coach of a struggling minor league hockey team, the Charlestown Chiefs.
- The Mighty Ducks (1992):
- A feel-good film about a youth hockey team coached by Emilio Estevez, which eventually evolves into a popular franchise.
- Goon (2011):
- A comedy that follows the unlikely rise of Doug Glatt, a bouncer turned enforcer for a minor league hockey team. It’s both hilarious and heartwarming.
- Youngblood (1986):
- A coming-of-age story featuring Rob Lowe as a great hockey player navigating the challenges of making it in the junior leagues.
Hang Up Your Hockey Skates
These hockey jokes and puns are sure to keep you entertained and laughing throughout the hockey season. Whether you’re a big fan of hockey, a seasoned player yourself, or just someone who loves a good laugh, these jokes hopefully hit the mark.
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