Fatherhood is an awesome experience in all ways, shapes, and forms. As Dads we often find ourselves reflecting on the choices we made while raising our children. Hindsight provides a unique perspective, allowing us to identify areas where we wish we had placed more emphasis on and at times some regrets as well.
Looking back on my fun journey as a Dad, I realize that there are several aspects I regret(too harsh of a word) not prioritizing enough. In sharing my experiences, I hope to offer fellow Dads valuable insights that can guide you guys in their pursuit of becoming the best fathers they can be.
**This article was originally writen for Fatherly.com... but it was never publishedโฆYou snooze you loose fellas!**
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things I wish I would have done differently
Spend Less Time Worrying
When my son was little, I constantly worried about his well-being. As a new father, the responsibility weighed heavily on me, and I became consumed with fears and anxieties. One of the biggest reasons is that Iโm a French Canadian living permanently in South Korea.
Iโm married to a Korean woman and my son has dual Citizenship. My son is biracial but looks a lot like me. (Caucasian) Korea is far from being multiracial, so needless to say that we both stand out. All in mostly good ways. People are very friendly and my son is now a popular boy at his school.
Looking back, I wish I had spent less time worrying and more time enjoying the precious moments with my boy. I donโt โregretโ per se but I wish I was more in a positive mindset and less on the defensive during those times. Simply said, all the worries I had never ever came into existence, it was all quite the opposite.ย
ListenโฆIt is simple: my son will grow up remarkably fast, and the opportunity to cherish his early years is so important to me. By redirecting my energy toward being present and engaged, I could have nurtured my love for him in a different way.
**I remember the first day of kindergarten when I had to let him go play with โstrangersโ ALONE! My Worries! The dread!โฆ Yes, I teared up in the carโฆbut thatโs our little secret! Iโll save that one for another article.ย
Focus Equally on My Wife
Fatherhood! Thumbs Up? Thumbs Down? Itโs mostly on the โupsideโ right? Either way, you will mostly have to โparentโ with your lovely wife, whom you hopefully love like crazy. I sure doโฆ(Iโm not just saying that because sheโs probably reading this article on her phone.)
This guy right here, was laser-focused when my son was born. I dropped a business, dropped jobs, dropped hobbies, and many other things. Because I wanted to โbe there.โ I literally redid my freelancing schedule to revolve solely around my sonโs timetable so I wouldnโt miss anything. Yes..you heard that right. Dedicationโฆ
But with that came the fact that I started noticing my wife and I not being as friendly to each other as before due to the challenges of having a little guy in the house 24/7.ย Like many parents, we were tired and lost touch, a bit, with our own lives, as a couple.ย
it is easy to neglect our relationships with our partners unintentionally. I regret not prioritizing my wifeโs needs and our relationship as much as I should have.ย About 2 years into parenthood, things started to change for the better, all the hugging, kissing, and other โadultโ things as well as making more time for each other all came back to where they once were.
We have now set a positive example for our son and created a harmonious home environment where love and support thrived.
Focusing on My Sonโs Minority Language (French)
As a French Canadian living in Korea, it was crucial for me to ensure my sonโs fluency in French, his minority language. Regrettably, I didnโt place enough emphasis on this aspect during his early years. We speak mostly English at home with a lot of Korean in the mix. French is almost non-existent at home.
Thatโs my fault and I take responsibility. But, in my defense, there are limited French language books here and, at that time, we did not show my son any screen time, so Youtube was out of the question.ย
I know itโs not too late, as he knows a lot of vocabulary and understands when I speak to him. But I wish I would have simply communicated with him only in French since he was little so he could absorb it easily. He will now need full-fledged French lessons from French Daddyโฆand thatโs more than ok with me.ย
Language is not just a means of communication; it shapes oneโs cultural identity and opens doors to new opportunities. By prioritizing his French language acquisition, I could have provided him with a stronger connection to his heritage and speak to some of my family members who donโt speak any English.ย
The regret lies in the realization that language is an invaluable gift that opens doors to diverse cultures and brings understanding and empathy.ย
Making More Skype Time with Family Back in Canada
Living 10,000km from family can be challenging, especially during the formative years of our childrenโs lives. Regrettably, I didnโt prioritize regular Skype sessions with my loved ones back in Canada.ย Regrets x 100
By embracing technology to bridge the distance, I could have ensured my son had the opportunity to build strong bonds with his extended family, despite the physical separation. But, I did not do that. Thereโs no reason behind thisโฆsimply excuses.
My son has yet to meet his uncles back in Canada or his cousins. Itโs been 10 years since Iโve been back home, and when I do go back, next year, tears will be pouring down my cheeks when family and friends meet my son for the first time.ย Love lifeโฆ
Focus a Little More Time on โMeโ
As Super-Dads, itโs easy to lose sight of our own needs while prioritizing our childrenโs happiness. Regrettably, I neglected to dedicate enough time for self-care and personal growth.ย
Nothing else mattered for those first few years except kid/kid/kid.ย Well, Iโm telling YOU guys to take care of you/you/you too. The why is crucial: by taking care of ourselves, we become better equipped to care for our children. Prioritizing personal interests and hobbies not only nourishes our souls but also serves as a positive example to our children, teaching them the importance of self-worth and fulfillment.
I donโt know what you do in life or how many hours youโre working, whatever you do, do something for yourself too.ย We are always taking care of โmomโ and โkidsโ but rarely give care to dad, except on Fatherโs Day. I write about these topics in my Dad Blog www.daddysimply.com.
I try not to write about regrets on my blog..because as the old saying goes: shoulda, woulda, couldaโฆ
Dudes, take a few days a month for YOU. Write on the calendar โDadโs Day.โ Simple, you make sure everyone at home knows that youโre โchecked outโ for a few hours or the whole day. You can go play golf, spa, hike, fish, meet up with friends, or whateverโฆdo it for you. Or just take an hour bubble bath with some old-school music blaring all while enjoying a glass of scotchย
If โmomโ would write โMomโs Dayโ on that same calendar, it would be more than fine. So, what are you waiting for?ย
Give My Son More Time Alone to Explore with Friends
In an attempt to be an involved and protective father, I realized I sometimes overlooked the significance of allowing my son to explore the world on his terms. I regret not giving him more room for independent play and time alone with friends or classmates. We have a great bond together but I know for a fact that itโs because we were inseparable since his birth.ย
Behind this regret lies the fact that children develop valuable life skills, such as problem-solving, creativity, and social interaction, through unstructured play and exploration. And of course, my little man got all these, but I look back and now know that I should have taken a step(or two) back and let him play with his peers while I should have been in the background.ย ย
So What? What Can You Do as a Dad?
We are constantly learning and evolving in our roles, arenโt we?ย Stop juggling regrets. Those regrets are counterproductive and lead to zilchโฆ
Looking back on my journey, I have come to recognize the areas where I wish I had placed greater emphasis as a dad. By sharing these reflections, I hope to inspire fellow fathers to approach their own parenting with intentionality and a deeper understanding of what truly matters.
What matters to me is to create the strongest possible bond that I can have with my son with the least regrets possibleโฆ I achieved this and Iโm proud of myself to have said โnoโ to job offers that would have taken me out of this great daddy role and placed a 50-hour work week on my shoulders. Kudos to Daddyโฆ Because โmy son will only be young once.โ And jobs will come and go.ย
We are all uber-lucky to have the incredible opportunity to shape the lives of our children and create a nurturing environment where they can flourish. By reflecting on our own journeys and learning from our regrets, we can strive to become the best fathers we can be.ย
Let us prioritize what truly matters โ love, connection, growth, and allowing our children the freedom to explore the world around them. Together, we can embark on this beautiful and transformative journey of fatherhood, simply.ย One love guys. No regretsโฆItโs all loveโฆ
***Stories and Strategies For Modern Dads Ebook Here~~
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