I used ‘Da’ because I grew up with Hip Hop in the ”90’s and during that era ‘Da’ was the ‘IN’ thing to use for a rapper. Rappin’ aside, I came up with this title solely on the basis that I see how other kids behave around our neighborhood and I’m comparing them to my well-behaved son. You heard me right! Comparing!
“He said the ‘C’ word!!!” Oh my gosh!
Comparing is a big NO NO, and I actually touch on that in part #2, but, hey…we are all humans, right? I’m just curious about what I did, doing, differently than others are not doing. What is it? Damn, I only have one son, and he did not come with any instructions, so I followed my instincts, I guess.
I’m so very far from being perfect. I’m just a Dad Blogger, but we’ve had a teaching assistant, parents and others ask us “what we did differently with our son.” So, that made me wonder…
So, I’m not going to write about why I barely show any screen time to my son, or how I built a strong bond with him during his toddler years. You can read past articles about these topics as well as why co-sleeping and making a bucket list might be the way to go for you!
But in my own way and my humble Daddy Simply opinion, these all helped create my little boy and his attitude toward life.
Boys will be Boys!
To raise a well-behaved boy is to raise a balanced, creative child – one in touch with their true identity. They will be inquisitive and explore life, making fun trouble and going to bed content. They will be naturally kind, knowing how to laugh and cry, and sometimes unafraid of the repercussions of their actions. This will make them strong and steady, with the ability to manage conflicting pressures along with good problem-solving skills.
Take a step back here…Listen, I’m no child psychologist or a brouhaha kinda guy, but I see what’s happening around me now and I’ve seen the past mistakes made by families, including mine. And, I’m trying to avoid such ways. There are many to speak of Alcoholism, berating the child, physical punishment, excessive screen time and passively joking about the child’s abilities or physical features…etc…
My ‘Zen’ practice(I can’t believe I just called it that) is all about teaching us(dads) to become children once more – to embrace our natural knowledge and spontaneity, to appreciate our days and share them with our kids. Get into their shoes! It goes a long way…
It’s not an easy thing to do as we are all tired, but the kick-scooting and the frog hunting are temporary, as your little guy will eventually grow up.
There are certain steps to be taken. These steps may seem different from the usual ways of parenting, but I don’t think they differ much.
Steps To Raise Well-Behaved Children
1) Respect His Innate Wisdom and Talents
We may be inclined to fill our children with information, in order to shape them into successful adults, but this is not always the right path. All children have their own wisdom, rhythms, and aptitude to express themselves. Whether it’s dancing with only underwear on or having a super spinning Taekwondo kick, your kids have ‘something.’
As father figures, it is our job to create a safe environment for both our children and ourselves so we can discover who we really are as well. Sure, that doesn’t mean, not to enroll your child in a math class he or she needs, I’m simply saying to view things from another perspective.
2) Avoid Comparing Your Child To Others
Here we go!! Contradicting myself in a way…
Comparing your child’s progress to that of others tells you nothing about them. Everyone has different gifts and abilities, and being different doesn’t mean being better or worse. Sure, everyone is so different in so many ways. That’s what makes us human!
My comparison is more in the realm of ‘Why does that boy have bad behavior’ while my son looks at me knowing not to do that ‘bad’ thing. A lot of it is learned from home and surroundings, “cue active fathering!.” I’m not directly comparing him verbally; I’m simply comparing the ‘why.’
I never say ‘Hey boy why aren’t you eating your broccoli? Your friend does.” …Examples like these are not constructive in any way. I’m also not saying that my son doesn’t get into mischief! He sure does at times but nothing like others. **Knock on Wood**
3) Allow Them To Express Themselves
There are many restrictions on what children are allowed to express. We must find a way for them to communicate and express whatever they are going through. This could be through words, art, or any other medium. My son loves Taekwondo and being super active…so for now that’s his joy. He also loves such things as Pokemon cards, Hello Carbot, and learning Chinese.
4) Look For The Best In Your Child
Of course! If you’re not looking for the best in your kids, something is wrong, with you. Rather than pointing out mistakes, next time, try to spot the best in your child and tell them. Let them know something you are proud of them for and pleased with.
Hey! Let’s be realistic here! We are not raising cute little robots that ‘obey’ our every command. We are trying to raise well-behaved kids that will flourish with time and have a great life and pass down what they learned from you to their kids. Right? No one wants to raise brats and gangsters. Keep it simple! Of course, temper tantrums will happen but with some positive discipline, things will turn out fine.
5) Grow Yourself
Of course, as fathers who raise children who demonstrate good behavior, they are simultaneously growing themselves. Cheesy but true…look at yourself before you had kids…and now.
The way we treat one another reflects back upon us. That beauty and goodness we find in others, we begin to see wherever we go.
As we loosen the bonds and chains we tie our kids, we are always freeing ourselves as well. Power struggles disappear in these kinds of relationships, and make lots of room for love to grow. It’s not a secret how to raise a well-behaved child. There are countless articles on this topic, I simply put my own twist on the topic.
Last Words and Realistic Expectations
I have some secret little words that are not floated around enough in the ‘dad world’…SELF-CARE and Mental health. Self Care for Dads is so very underrated. It must be on the top 3 of your fathering list. I don’t care where you’re from…Take time for yourself! Now…today. This will trickle down to your children and make a happier and more harmonious home.
I can feel your eyes looking at me…I’m not telling you how to raise your child. I’m simply putting in writing what is easily seen by my eyes and how to be the best dad I can be. Please remember ALWAYS EXPECT RESPECT.
**My son is 6 years old. He’s not a teenager yet. So I hope I don’t regret this article when he does get to that age. Until then, I’ll enjoy my well behaved little guy and all his zen and non-zen traits.
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